Baby Estes???

We VERY often have many of you who ask, or want to ask about this…. it’s always ok and welcome to ask, by the way. I write this entry to keep you posted, ask you to pray, but mainly to show you how faithful God has been, and therefore, how faithful I know He will be. Stay tuned over the coming months to see how He works it out…

As some of you know, Mark and I have been trying to have a baby for 2 years now. The Doctors couldn’t find anything wrong with me, but they found some abnormalities with Mark…. and yes, there’s so much room for comment on that part. They wanted to put him on medication, but we prayed about it and neither one had a peace about it. We just kept praying and waiting. 1 year later, he went back to the same Doctor. The Dr. was so excited that “the medicine had worked.” Everything looked great! It was fun telling the nurse on the phone that we’d decided not to use the medication… we just prayed.

So, everything was fine? Yes, until this past April when my Dr. found a baseball size mass, and another smaller mass on my ovaries. He had to remove them so I had surgery soon after. He was hoping (and we were praying) for 2 things. One, they weren’t cancerous, and 2, he wouldn’t have to remove my ovary. The results… it wasn’t and he didn’t! When I woke up to my husband telling me my ovaries were still in me and everything is ok, it was quite the miracle… that is a moment I will never forget! Thank you to all who prayed for us during that time!

What the Dr’s did find was Stage 4 Endometriosis. No one thought that before because I didn’t have any extreme pain, which is pretty much a guarantee with this highest Stage. They removed my appendix, and removed as much as the endo as they could. According to the Dr, all of my organs were stuck together, and probably had been for quite some time.

Afterwards, the Dr. told us that I have chronic Endo. It will probably be there forever (well, until I get to that exciting 45-50year old woman stage! They’ve got me on a shot, trying to suppress it from coming back so quickly. The shot ends this Dec/Jan. What does that mean for us having our baby? We have no idea, and neither do the Dr’s.

If you’ve known me for, really any time at all, you know that my desire has always been to be a wife and a mom. What happens when what you always knew  would happen doesn’t? I’m learning… you trust God. Yes, that’s what we always hear, and that’s the “right” thing to say, but I’ve learned over the past 2 years, that it’s the ONLY thing to do.

In our life, this past year had been “baby year”. We have had (or soon will have ) the chance to welcome 14 babies of either family or really close friends into this world. It has been very fun and exciting to be surrounded by all of these children that we love. Many people have asked us if that part has been hard. Honestly, no. Don’t get me wrong… there have been a few tough days, but overall, it’s been an absolute blessing. In a way, I think some of these children have been even more special to me because of everything else.

Mark and I were talking about it last week. I was telling him about what I wrote about earlier…. wanting to know God’s purpose… the God sized one, over even His purpose for us specifically. He asked me… what if God chooses for us not to be able to have children so that someone else can, and only God knows how that works? Or for some reason we never know? What if it is simply so you can share with another woman who can’t have children one day… and if that’s the only reason, but God knows it needs to happen? Umm….. ouch! I’m not big on using this word, but my response was…”That sucks!” We laughed and then sat there and really talked our way through that for a while. What if? Mark wasn’t believing that’s the case. Nor was he being extreme at all. He was simply challenging his wife to search her heart maybe more deeply than ever before…

What if something that I desire so much would glorify God more in His overall purpose if it doesn’t happen? In that first post, in the verse I shared, the last line is “Lord, I’m coming.” That’s my answer. I can honestly say, after truly searching my heart, it’s more important to me to be apart of God’s bigger picture than to be able to get pregnant with the child I’ve always dreamed of mothering. Ooo, it’s true, but it still doesn’t feel good to write that part. My feelings haven’t caught up to my heart yet, which is the “I’m Coming” part. But, because of who God is, I know they will if He chooses this path for us.

What are we believing and praying? That we can and will get pregnant and have our baby, and that this time was simply a learning/growing/have fun with just us time. And if God chooses for us not to, that He will allow us to adopt and give the finances to be able to do so. And… that either way, He will use us in other’s lives in this area, and that He will be glorified through it all.

I’ve got an aunt who had a hard time getting pregnant, while all of the other women in our family were having children left and right. She’s shared some things with me recently that I never knew she went through. She handled herself with grace and it blows me away! She had many rough days, but God gave her a new perspetive on life during her wait. And in the end, he gave her 2 boys…. one adopted and one biological. I pray He continues to give me His grace in every word I share and in my attitude in this.

I wouldn’t trade these past 2 years for anything in the world, nor would I trade what God chooses to do. He’s blessed me with the most amazing husband/best friend I could have ever dreamed up. It doesn’t get any better than having a hilarious, handsome, fun, loving man consistently point me back to my First Love. God is heading us towards an awesome season in our lives of Church Planting and doing full time ministry together.

Most importantly, He’s taught me things I really don’t think I would have learned any other way. He’s taught my heart to want Him more than anything else. He’s taught me to value what He says more than what anyone else may say…. it was amazing to hear some of the things that have been said of “why” we aren’t able to conceive…some pretty funny, and one just not in the character of how God works…. more on that another day. I heard the other day that 15% of couples in America under 30 have difficulty conceiving. (Over 1 year of trying was their definition) We now can relate and love on this group of people… that’s something I know I’ll be thankful for… for years to come. If there is anyone who reads this in the same position, let us know.

We ask that you pray with us, and we invite you stay tuned to see how God’s uses our one situation in His overall purpose. Please let us know about your” one situation” right now. We’ve recently had the opportunity to experience God and His miracles through a different situation with some of our best friends. It’s equally as exciting to see how God answers our prayers on behalf of you guys! We want to pray along with you, and get to be there when we see how He chooses to work it all out!

~L

Becoming “Pastor”

Just using my name with the title of “pastor” makes me uneasy.  First of all I get more and more excited every day about stepping into this role and assuming the task of revealing Christ’s love through acting to a community I do not know.  Ideas and thoughts are constantly flowing through my mind on how to identify Jesus to families, college kids, business owners, single parents, politicains, convicts, homosexuals, idle Christians, Muslims… basically the entire community we will be involved in.  I believe that folks know who we are (Christians), but fail to see why we are (Christ). 

Because they do know who we are is the exact reason why I am terrified of the title of “Pastor”.  The moment someone asks me what I do for a living and I say “I’m a pastor” either walls go up or a genuine person checks out.  I want the people that I serve to sense that I authentically care about them because… I do.  And that I do because Jesus does and that I learned it from Him.  This is my biggest prayer.

The second aspect of using the word “Pastor” is of those who will place me upon a pedestal and will treat me with special privilege because “I am Pastor”.  More than a terror, this just makes me want to vomit.  Those people who are always in the presence of the pastors of a church to be seen as the pastor’s best buddies.  I know this will happen, and my prayer is that I will have the patience and the wisdom to open their eyes to quit seeing me as an elevated authority, and put all that awe and love towards Christ and their neighbors.

Becoming “Pastor” has never been a desire for me, not until God made it known that it was His desire for me. 

Since you are reading this, you probably want to know what is going on with Lauren and I, and maybe even what you can do to help or support us in this adventure?  Without a doubt the biggest thing you can do is begin including us in your prayers daily.  Keep em’ coming

~M

Miracle #2 of many more to come!

As many of you know, I keep 4 children in our home and own a Seasonal Children’s Consigment Sale with my sis-in-law, April. (the website is www.nextgenerationsale.com if you want to check it out).

I’ve started to lose my kids because their mommy’s are having more babies!! It’s very exciting but it’s been interesting, wondering how God would work everything out financially.

My income is used for savings and anything extra we do, but we were obviously hoping to save as much as possible before we head to Charleston. As of October 1st, I’m down to one little girl. Besides the fact that is breaks my heart to lose them (I’ve had some of them since for almost 2 years), there’s been a strong curiosity on my part on how exactly this would all work out. (You’ll learn quickly that Mark has a ridiculous amount of faith…. and that I’m getting there.

As you read in my last post, God has really taught me a lot about prayer lately, and my faith grows stronger as I watch Him work in our lives.  Anywho, I’ve been asking around to see if anyone knows of anyone who needs childcare for a short period, which is rare. I could only keep them until we leave so there aren’t many people looking for that. A friend of mine mentioned a while back that she might know of someone, but nothing really came of it.

Last week, I was cleaning the house and I was just talking to God about the whole situation. I had a complete peace, and almost excitement about seeing how He chooses to work it out. I thought about the girl my friend had told me about and I almost e-mailed my friend about it, but really felt almost compelled not to… it was kind of strange. About an hour later, I was playing with Riley, one of my little girls, when the phone rang. I didn’t recognize the number, and I usually don’t answer those, but I did this time. It was Amanda, the mom that my friend had told me about. She probably thought I was a fruitcake because I was so excited and amazed how God had even timed her phone call. I was WAY too excited on the phone. I get to meet them soon, and then I get to keep her little 1 month old girl…. starting Oct 1 (talk about being “In His Time)! She only needs someone 2 months, which is great. So… once again, God has blessed me with a little girl I get to take care of and love on for a couple of months, while getting a little extra savings, and He blessed this family who needs someone who will love and take care of their little girl. Amazing!

Please keep praying for us, and for the other staff families going, financially. We’re starting to raise support. We’re doing our part to be good stewards of what He gives us, and praying that He provides through the giving of others. Being on this side of the Body of Christ can feel a little strange, but I’m so looking forward to seeing how God makes us even more into the people He wants us to be through this.

~L

Our House…

Ok, so I wish we had thought to start this about 1 year ago, as things began happening with River Church.

We are committed to go as a part of River Church, a Westridge Church plant (Dallas, GA). Mark will be the Community Pastor…. and I guess that makes me his secretary.

We are SO excited about what is and what will happen there. There are a lot of things that are uncertain as far as what to do with our home here, leaving jobs, raising support, etc. Let me bring you up to date on where God has us with the house…. it’s been really cool!

We prayed about it and decided to rent it out for many different reasons. We prayed for a family who could really use it during this financially hard time. We had…. I’d say about 75 inquiries in  2 months. It was crazy. 

We went through applications, credit checks, and phone calls like crazy. We ran into some crazy stuff with people… it was interesting to say the least. We were ready for someone to simply knock on our door and it be the right people. We were getting kind of discouraged, but we just kept praying.

Last week, I was reading one morning, on prayer. I’ve realized that my prayers are often faithless, bringing a list of things before God without much belief that he will step in.  I’ve felt as if maybe He hasn’t been listening lately…. although I know it isn’t true. My prayers have been anxious…. please give me answers kind of prayers, rather than trusting, I love You, and want to be with You prayers. He showed me this verse as I read. Psalm 27:7-8. “Hear me as I pray, O Lord. Be merciful and answer me. My heart has heard you say, Come and talk with me. ” And my heart responds, “Lord, I am coming.”

That was literally my and God’s conversation…. Lord, please hear me, please answer me. Then my heart heard Him say, “Come and talk with me.” Don’t bring your list of things, or the ways you think you should pray, just simply come and talk with me. Share your heart with me. I want you to long for me even more than you long for your answers you think you need… WOW!  I love the end…. And my heart responds,”Lord, I am coming.” Not “I am here,” as it says many times in the Bible, but “I am coming.” That was exactly where I was…. getting there. Getting to where God wanted me. He had already changed my heart. Now my head, actions, and words just needed follow.

Do you ever have one of those moments that you get it? It’s like God gives you an understanding bigger than you, bigger than anything that “makes sense.” I pray for that understanding…. that wisdom. To really long to see God’s purpose…. not His purpose for me or my life, but His overall, God purpose. Like, maybe our house isn’t renting because He has something way bigger than us that He’s working on, and that, if and when He decides it to be best for His purpose, it will happen. Oooo, and this part is hard…. if He doesn’t chose to do it AND doesn’t chose to let me know WHY, that’s ok too. Yeah, that’s a tough one for me. If I know the why’s, it always makes things easier!

Anywho, back to the house. One night last week, Mark and I were watching a movie when there was a knock at the door…. literally. It was a couple who tried to call, but had the wrong number. They checked it out, loved the house, and filled out an application. We checked everything out and they were exactly the family we were looking for! They signed the lease on Monday, and we have 1 1/2 weeks to be out!!

In this case, I really believe that God simply was saying,”Come and talk with me.”

~L