So my Dad has always made a big deal about making New Years resolutions. He and I used to always think about and discuss what things we’re going to do for the upcoming year. For us, most of the time it’s not a “work out more” or an “eat healthier” type of resolution, but more of something that God has laid on our heart to work on and focus on. This year is no different. I called him on New Years to find out his. When I talked to him, mine was still forming in my brain exactly what it looks like, and it still kind of is.
New Years Eve (well, I guess technically it turned into New Years Day since it continued to after 2am) April (my sis-in-law), Mark, and I sat around talking about our New Years Resolutions (another seemingly tradition she and I have started…. what is it with me?! ) 
April’s was a pretty concrete thought this year, while mine was still needing a little more processing.
So what is my resolution for 2009? Be more vulnerable. I’ve actually always thought of myself as a pretty vulnerable person, but over the past year I’ve learned through other people that maybe I’m not so much. Here’s my dilemma, and what I’ve begun to research in my Bible…. what does this look like in a Godly way? I’ve been asking people what exactly “vulnerability” means to them. I’m hearing many answers that seem to encompass “sharing the bad things that are going on in life.” No one says it in these exact terms, but in a round about way, it seems to be a part of most answers. I’ve been told that I can be too positive about things so it comes across that I’m unapproachable to talk about the bad things with.
Yikes! Predicament here….. I ALWAYS want to be approachable by all people, but I also don’t plan on getting rid of my positive outlook on life. It makes life extremely enjoyable, plus it truly is simply how I think. I literally cannot think of one situation in my life that when I share the negative I don’t naturally share the positive without even thinking about it. Human nature (me probably most of all) likes having someone say,”I know what you mean.” I’ve learned that many times this looks different than what God intends friends to be for one another. I’m learning that “being vulnerable” can very often turn into gossip (or if we need to feel better about it, we often call it “venting.” ) This is one of my biggest pet peeves and cautions in life so I think that I tend to just shut down altogether so that I’m not a part of it. (not that I’m anywhere near perfect at this, but you get my drift). Basically, I’ve learned that I’ve gone to the opposite extreme to avoid another extreme. The healthy balance, where I believe Christ is in this matter, is what I’m searching for this year.
I’m praying through what exactly God intends for friendships to look like in this. I try to think about what I want or need a friend to be when I call them with a problem. My 2 closest friends are closest because they listen and love me, but pretty quickly share with me how I can make a different choice or see things from a different perspective. (One of them, I happen to be married to so I think it’s pretty ingrained in me now. ):) They allow me to hurt for a little while, and sometimes even vent for a while but don’t allow me to stay there long. They are pretty quick to point out when I’m out of line. Many times they can’t say, “I’ve been there”, or “I know what you mean,” or even “I agree,” but they have no problem speaking very strong truth into my life. Trisha (the other friend I’m referring to) has a very strong grasp on the fact that she does not have to experience what I am experiencing to know God’s character and what He says, and to remind me of it in a loving way.
People seem to enjoy that I’m a good listener, but many times that’s as far as I go. I believe as I’m beginning to search, this might be a big part of what vulnerability looks like from me… not being afraid to lovingly speak truth into someones life if they choose to confide in me, rather than sitting there awkwardly because I don’t want to hurt feelings or disagree.
As far as sharing my life, I’m trying to focus on being completely real about how I feel about situations, even with people I’m not close to. However, if you’re one of the people I’m talking to, one, realize that I’m going to hopefully always chose to see the good in situations or people…. I promise I’m not in denial. And two, I’m hopefully going to have already run my thoughts and feelings through my God and my husband so feelings are probably already decently resolved in my heart. If not, please remind me to at least take step one and come back to you.
So…. any thoughts? What does Godly, healthy vulnerability look like to you? Do you think that sometimes we, as humans, tend to vent (gossip) and excuse it as vulnerability and being open? For those of you who are great at this, what am I missing?! Next year this time, I want to have a solid grasp on this!
Oh…. and Mark’s deep, philosophical Resolution?….”Try to run more.” And there you have it!
~L
You pose many interesting questions, Mrs. Estes
To me, I guess, being vulnerable would be to be open to new things and not having to be in control of everything. I think this is hardest to do when it comes to letting others in our hearts where they might ‘break’ something. I think you have a great start on this and an exceptional outlook on life, if I may say so.
As for my New Year’s resolution, I am keeping it simple, by simply deciding to make it a Jesus year. Something we should always be striving for, that goes without saying. I just want to focus my energy on Him and let Him overflow to all the things I would otherwise resolve to do for the New year, including running more
Well put my sweet friend!! I’d say you already have a good grasp on what it means to have a Jesus Year! You and your family are oe we love very much and look up to!
I don’t know, Lauren, I already feel like I could share things with you – even more so than with most people.
You are in ministry and so is Mark. I think certain people will be a little more hesitant to share their struggles and such just for that fact alone. (Preconceived notions about church people, you know…)
I have wondered if I’m hard to talk to before, in this same way, and never felt like I came to a conclusion on how to make myself more approachable (esp to my high school girls) and the only thing that seems like it would work, is to really get to know them and how they tick – then they will trust me enough to share the tough stuff.
Anyway, that’s what I think.
Love you, Mrs Estes!
O, wait! I have more:
This works on me: When I share something with someone, and they help me think through it, like “Why do you think you feel that way?” or “How do you think you could change that?” It works really well. On the other hand, if they share the way things worked out in their life for the better or said “Don’t worry! God always works things out!” that would be true, of course, but maybe not helpful in that exact moment.
This is the kind of stuff that Cindy Stephens or Brad will always say to me. When I complain, Brad says, “What are you going to do about it?”, cause what right do I have to complain when I’m not willing to do anything to fix things?? That’s motivation.
Did I go off topic??
Maybe??
oh well.
That’s EXACTLY how I feel…. that is, what Brad said. I love how you 2 think. I think you and I are similar in this area. I guess we just need to start calling and unloading on each other. HA! I love you so much and think that we should go ahead and plan a time for you Brad to come to C-town maybe in the summer…. I’m just sayin’!
i have a billion things i feel like i could say about vulnerability/transparency as i think of it. but i feel like i have a great example that is not me. a girl whose blog i read shows great vulnerability on her new years resolution post jennylynnbabington.blogspot.com check it out.
Fabulous! I agree…. good healthy vulnerability.
No listening to whining, just honesty…. maybe hat should be by motto this year. 
I’m looking forward to our date tomorrow morning. Yaya can’t wait to see her Abigail. Thanks for sharing that blog with me.