We VERY often have many of you who ask, or want to ask about this…. it’s always ok and welcome to ask, by the way. 
I write this entry to keep you posted, ask you to pray, but mainly to show you how faithful God has been, and therefore, how faithful I know He will be. Stay tuned over the coming months to see how He works it out…
As some of you know, Mark and I have been trying to have a baby for 2 years now. The Doctors couldn’t find anything wrong with me, but they found some abnormalities with Mark…. and yes, there’s so much room for comment on that part. They wanted to put him on medication, but we prayed about it and neither one had a peace about it. We just kept praying and waiting. 1 year later, he went back to the same Doctor. The Dr. was so excited that “the medicine had worked.” Everything looked great! It was fun telling the nurse on the phone that we’d decided not to use the medication… we just prayed.
So, everything was fine? Yes, until this past April when my Dr. found a baseball size mass, and another smaller mass on my ovaries. He had to remove them so I had surgery soon after. He was hoping (and we were praying) for 2 things. One, they weren’t cancerous, and 2, he wouldn’t have to remove my ovary. The results… it wasn’t and he didn’t! When I woke up to my husband telling me my ovaries were still in me and everything is ok, it was quite the miracle… that is a moment I will never forget! Thank you to all who prayed for us during that time!
What the Dr’s did find was Stage 4 Endometriosis. No one thought that before because I didn’t have any extreme pain, which is pretty much a guarantee with this highest Stage. They removed my appendix, and removed as much as the endo as they could. According to the Dr, all of my organs were stuck together, and probably had been for quite some time.
Afterwards, the Dr. told us that I have chronic Endo. It will probably be there forever (well, until I get to that exciting 45-50year old woman stage! They’ve got me on a shot, trying to suppress it from coming back so quickly. The shot ends this Dec/Jan. What does that mean for us having our baby? We have no idea, and neither do the Dr’s.
If you’ve known me for, really any time at all, you know that my desire has always been to be a wife and a mom. What happens when what you always knew would happen doesn’t? I’m learning… you trust God. Yes, that’s what we always hear, and that’s the “right” thing to say, but I’ve learned over the past 2 years, that it’s the ONLY thing to do.
In our life, this past year had been “baby year”. We have had (or soon will have ) the chance to welcome 14 babies of either family or really close friends into this world. It has been very fun and exciting to be surrounded by all of these children that we love. Many people have asked us if that part has been hard. Honestly, no. Don’t get me wrong… there have been a few tough days, but overall, it’s been an absolute blessing. In a way, I think some of these children have been even more special to me because of everything else.
Mark and I were talking about it last week. I was telling him about what I wrote about earlier…. wanting to know God’s purpose… the God sized one, over even His purpose for us specifically. He asked me… what if God chooses for us not to be able to have children so that someone else can, and only God knows how that works? Or for some reason we never know? What if it is simply so you can share with another woman who can’t have children one day… and if that’s the only reason, but God knows it needs to happen? Umm….. ouch! I’m not big on using this word, but my response was…”That sucks!” We laughed and then sat there and really talked our way through that for a while. What if? Mark wasn’t believing that’s the case. Nor was he being extreme at all. He was simply challenging his wife to search her heart maybe more deeply than ever before…
What if something that I desire so much would glorify God more in His overall purpose if it doesn’t happen? In that first post, in the verse I shared, the last line is “Lord, I’m coming.” That’s my answer. I can honestly say, after truly searching my heart, it’s more important to me to be apart of God’s bigger picture than to be able to get pregnant with the child I’ve always dreamed of mothering. Ooo, it’s true, but it still doesn’t feel good to write that part. My feelings haven’t caught up to my heart yet, which is the “I’m Coming” part. But, because of who God is, I know they will if He chooses this path for us.
What are we believing and praying? That we can and will get pregnant and have our baby, and that this time was simply a learning/growing/have fun with just us time. And if God chooses for us not to, that He will allow us to adopt and give the finances to be able to do so. And… that either way, He will use us in other’s lives in this area, and that He will be glorified through it all.
I’ve got an aunt who had a hard time getting pregnant, while all of the other women in our family were having children left and right. She’s shared some things with me recently that I never knew she went through. She handled herself with grace and it blows me away! She had many rough days, but God gave her a new perspetive on life during her wait. And in the end, he gave her 2 boys…. one adopted and one biological. I pray He continues to give me His grace in every word I share and in my attitude in this.
I wouldn’t trade these past 2 years for anything in the world, nor would I trade what God chooses to do. He’s blessed me with the most amazing husband/best friend I could have ever dreamed up. It doesn’t get any better than having a hilarious, handsome, fun, loving man consistently point me back to my First Love. God is heading us towards an awesome season in our lives of Church Planting and doing full time ministry together.
Most importantly, He’s taught me things I really don’t think I would have learned any other way. He’s taught my heart to want Him more than anything else. He’s taught me to value what He says more than what anyone else may say…. it was amazing to hear some of the things that have been said of “why” we aren’t able to conceive…some pretty funny, and one just not in the character of how God works…. more on that another day. I heard the other day that 15% of couples in America under 30 have difficulty conceiving. (Over 1 year of trying was their definition) We now can relate and love on this group of people… that’s something I know I’ll be thankful for… for years to come. If there is anyone who reads this in the same position, let us know.
We ask that you pray with us, and we invite you stay tuned to see how God’s uses our one situation in His overall purpose. Please let us know about your” one situation” right now. We’ve recently had the opportunity to experience God and His miracles through a different situation with some of our best friends. It’s equally as exciting to see how God answers our prayers on behalf of you guys! We want to pray along with you, and get to be there when we see how He chooses to work it all out!
~L
i am so glad you wrote this…i am one of the people who has heard bits and pieces and always wondered. i know that 6 mos does not compare to your time but it took us that long to get pregnant with micaiah and then we lost her. jay and i both feel that God allowed us to go through that experience for our own growth, and being able to minister to others. these hardships really do put you in a position to love on someone the way no one else can! i will be looking forward to hearing about your journey.
Aimee,
But that day was different. I really appreciated knowing that you guys had heard and prayed for us. Thank you for that… it meant more than you know. And thank you for handling your “one situation” with Micaiah with such grace. You guys are a wonderful example of how to trust God even when you don’t understand Him.
Thanks for your comment. I love reading your entries about your family on your blog! I think about your experience early on often. And now I love to sit back and watch you, even if from a distance, to see just how wonderful you are as a mommy. When I wrote that part about thank you for praying, I actually thought about you, Keisha, and Chris Cole. I remember you telling my at Lori’s shower that you 3 were praying for me during that time. It’s weird because I can be too private and guarded a lot of the time, and sometimes hearing that all of Paulding County knows everything is a little strange to me.
~L
La,
I love the way you write! And I am glad you wrote about this (it helps me know how to pray for you). I knew the story but heard it from Brad and didn’t get all the details. I really identified with the part you wrote about wanting to be used by God and choosing to accept what is going on (and just come to Him) even though your feelings and emotions aren’t quite there yet. That is what I have been learning through Brad’s accident. I trust for His will to be best – I worry about what His will might bring about but I KNOW He’s got my back on whatever it is and through whatever happens. It is scary – I’ve often thought about it like the scene in the one Indiana Jones movie where Indy has to step out over the edge of this cliff and the pathway just appears because he had faith.
Also, I want to say that I admire how genuinely excited and happy you are for those around you who are having babies. That totally fits with your character though! God is definitely going to use that and use the both of you.
I love you guys!
This is beautiful, and the way you write it poetic! Your faith is inspirational, thank you for sharing your heart in this way! I pray for you and Mark, and whatever God has planned for I believe it will be nothing short of a miracle!
I have come across many women who have had the same struggles and they are bitter and hateful women. But you show evidence God’s grace in your words and actions. I know He is pleased with you, my dear friend, and I know no matter what the end result may be you will be blessed!
I love you and I think you are amazing!
Hello there, I came across your blog as I was googling endometriosis and pregnancy. (guess I was just bored!)
Anyways, the reason I am commenting is because I am 30 years old, have been trying to conceive for over a year, and I too was diagnosed with stage 4 endometriosis last December. I would strongly encourage you to consult Drs. Albee and Sinervo at the Center for Endometriosis Care in Atlanta, GA. They removed all of my endometriosis and now I have a better chance than ever before of conceiving.
I wanted to encourage you to visit their website:
http://www.centerforendo.com/
They strongly believe the best treatment for endometriosis is to remove it, not medicate it.
Drs. Albee and Sinervo are the best, but they are also Christians, and you definitely sense that when you meet them.
Many blessings to you as you seek the Lord’s will for your family!
Lauren–I agree with what everyone said–I love the way you write! This entry really touched me. I do pray for you & Mark, that God will give you a baby. I know you will both be such amazing parents (and your home won’t lack for fun, that’s for sure!) Thank you for your honesty about your situation. A part of me didn’t want to write because I would never want to come across wrong (I have three kids, what do I know about desperately wanting a child–does that make sense?) But I don’t think you & Mark view it that way. And while it’s been in a completely different area, I have learned, too, how to trust God. Here’s a verse I’ve clung to since He began that trusting theme in my life: “But I trust in you, O Lord. I SAY, ‘You are my God; my times are in your hands.’” Psalm 31:14-15. I will remember to pray for you guys when I’m reminded of this verse. We know God has some amazing things planned for such an incredible couple and can’t wait to see how He continues to use you. Keep blogging!
We don’t really know one another well, but I was drawn to your blog. Thank you for sharing your heart. Your faith and trust is absolutely beautiful and amazing. Thank you.